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Mon 09 Dec 2019: Party time!

Being almost two weeks since the last weekly update, one could say you have all been ‘weakly’ updated. Let’s rectify that now with a strong and confident summary of recent goings-on around Planet Korf.

Our National League team, T1, has had two games – two defeats albeit, not unexpected, but with some run-outs for our less-experienced Korflings and positive signs of sunlit uplands ahead. We start with a 60-goal extravaganza against perennial title-chasers Norwich Knights. Young Master Potter subbed on in this one, keeping young Miss Lewis on her toes and the average age of the team much lower than the 44 years (give or take) it would have otherwise been. Both got on the score sheet, alongside the other Gentlemen of the team (Tobias of Peterborough, Andrew of Hertfordshire, Joshua of the Greater Fens and Laurie of the Post) and a few for ladies Keira and Caitlin and important contributions from ladies-in-waiting Sian and Liv. Alas, after the high of the Nomads victory the previous week, 40 of those 60 goals were scored by the opposition – particularly their girls, who displayed no lady-like behavior at all in brazenly bagging 30 or so of those goals without a blush. The impudence! 20-40 the score there but a good run-out, a few defensive lessons learnt but ultimately there’s little you can do to counteract good shooting.

Powered by a nutritious, protein-packed Christmas meal at Las Iguanas, hydrated by nutritious ‘amber nectar’ smoothies (so Keira claims they were called,) T1 went away to Tornadoes on Sunday, performed admirably well and only went down 28-21. There was plenty of heavy scoring from Tigers’ very own Musketeers again, with Andy, Laurie and Josh showing no after effects from the revelry of the Christmas party the night before. ‘Shandy Andy’ didn’t fool anyone with his supposed beer-drinking and it paid off; Josh was rushed off home to his hot water bottle and pyjamas at 9pm for extra-alert defending; Laurie the lifelong vegetarian swatted away all passes like meat …..and Toby wasn’t even present at the Christmas do, so seriously he takes his captain’s duties. The collective gulps all-round as Tornadoes went 4 up after 2 minutes only kick-started a Clarke comeback, helped along by Coach Thomson, who reportedly cracked a smile on the sidelines. Caitlin, Gracie and Jonny chipped in there too with goals, I see – Caitlin mastering the pass-goal and flummoxing everyone too. Shout out to Liv, who, despite being below par this past few days, played her little thick orange socks off. Good on them for putting a Top 4 team under immense pressure and forcing their shooting to fall away as the match progressed.

The SERL team, T2, were pipped in both their matches against Knights and Tornadoes SERL teams. A 13-18 defeat to Knights was marked by the usual display of Potter power, some defensive orchestration from headhunter-turned-goalhunter Haggart, Llewelyn vision/precision (heretofore known as ‘Llewelysion’,) Zensible decision-making, Rodgers resilience and rhythmic rebounding from Ukelele maestro, Luuk (‘Luukelele’ we’ll call him.) Sunday’s 22-19 reverse against Tornadoes saw the ‘Podgers’ (M & J Rodgers & J Potter) hitting 10 goals between then with able assistance from the King of Swing and Cocktail connoisseur Rob Haggart, Maths whizz Sian Mawditt, legal eagle Catherine Weller and a few from Social Media guru/penalty queen Rosie and ambitious Ollie (setting and getting goals for himself at increasingly higher levels.) Simply caught out by a flurry of Tornadoes goals in this one, T2/SERL – whatever you call them – are coming to get you. If they can do this well after a late night, watch out the rest of the division.

The local league teams have had a slightly quieter time of it, T3 only playing one match – last night against City 3. Jess accidentally doubled-up on daughter Martha’s girl to concede a penalty that Martha was not best pleased about and earned a Ross Thomson ‘scare glare,’ to which Jess shrugged and chuckled quizzically. Anyway, all fun and games and no harm done: a 20-8 victory and still leading the way in Division 1. Heavy scoring there from Jess (showing her daughter how it’s done) and Becca, showing the younger girls in the club that us oldies do it better (yes Becca – 17 counts as old in my books.)

T4, meanwhile, had a bit of a tough time the previous weekend against a strong, settled and well-organised City 3 team, losing 21-7. There were important run-outs for precocious talent Tommy, measuring up against older, hairier, sweatier but ultimately cleverer proponents of the dark, korfing arts. Chris Rhodes took a break from him pub tours of Cambridge to continue his tentative return to top grade korfing action. Alas, even the presence of Coach West on the sidelines, flying-bullet Sarah Roberts, drop-off king Nick Armitage and Tasmanian devil Sam Oldham couldn’t do enough to counter some slick shooting from the opponents. Still – we’ll take ‘em in the return fixture in the wide open pastures of the Perse. Doubtless, the absence of one or two (ehem) ‘key’ players may have been significant too.

T5 are taking no prisoners, though, beating Vikings 3 13-3. What’s clear is that Jenny takes her T5 duties seriously and refused to be arm-twisted into an extra drink after the meal on Saturday night – as did Zoe, who didn’t want her senses dulled for her inevitable penalty (which she scored.) Billy had Tommy whisked home early for a good night’s sleep in a ball of cotton wool (both putting in a shift) and Adrian resisted the Saturday night fever and kept his disco-dancing knees under wraps completely – just as well, as he was on fine scoring form. Leo, no doubt would have loved to strut his stuff too but isn’t old enough to come out with the oldies – again, just as well as he had a fine few goals. Colombian connection Laura was an inspiration with a hat-trick of her own and Caroline is ticking along nicely with another scoring entry in her korfing ledger. She’s racking them up. All of this of course was made infinitely easier with the county’s leading rebounder, Nick Francis, picking off low-hanging rebounding fruit for his colleagues to gorge on.

That’s not all to report though. Sad to say, but Francis Burden, T6 stalwart for many a year, doyenne of the Blood Donor centre and never one to miss a Tigers party is leaving Cambridge this week and moving back to Kent. She will be flinging her last shots with all her might in training this Wednesday and we will all miss her easy-going banter, convivial chats, never-ending enthusiasm and her little pile of cycling paraphernalia that tumbles over the sidelines. We shall never see her fully decked-out, hi-viz, helmeted like again. Seriously though Francis, good luck! Been a pleasure and you’re always welcome back for a match provided you don’t transfer to another club! We should also say a big thanks to Cozzo and Keira for a slick and successful Christmas party at Las Iguanas (and afterwards) on Saturday night. Well done guys! Special mention too for our Under-13s, who won 5-3 in a friendly against Phoenix Under-13s. This was a first match for several of the team and the all did great, particularly coach Zoe (who isn’t under-13 – but she is under-30 – as many of us are.) Many of you will also have seen the lesser-spotted Steve Clarke on Saturday night. After serious interrogation, he hinted he will be back soon once his knees are feeling less knackered (it hasn’t stopped his Salsa-dancing, I note.) Operation ‘Nag Steve’ will soon click into gear. This Wednesdays training is probably the last session before Christmas too, just fyi. Will confirm properly on Wednesday and in emails. First one of 2020 is Wed 8 Jan.

There’s a busy few days coming up – particularly on Thursday, when the small matter of the general election is superseded by P1-T4 at 2115. Let’s hope the exit polls point to a T4 victory. Under 14s are up this coming weekend too. If you can ref, please help Liv by taking a few matches. That Superwoman has enough headaches as it is.

Thu 12 Dec 2019 21:15 Phoenix 1 Tigers 4 Cambridge Regional College
Sun 15 Dec 2019 12:45 Tigers 1 Highbury Perse School for Boys
Sun 15 Dec 2019 14:15 Tigers 2 Harrow Vultrix Perse School for Boys
Sun 05 Jan 2020 15:30 Vikings 2 Tigers 4 The Hive Leisure Village, Ely
Sun 05 Jan 2020 19:00 Tigers 3 City 1 Perse School for Boys
Thu 09 Jan 2020 21:15 Phoenix 3 Tigers 5 Cambridge Regional College